Cloaks and Glory

The clouds cloak September's brow this morning, and messy hair cloaks mine as I type. It was damp last night. Sleep wouldn't come, because memories crowded it out.

Today, Isaac would be five months old. As I've typed here months ago, it's hard to believe it's been that long, or hasn't been that long. I miss him.

I think back and remember my frailty and humanness, feelings of such weakness and helplessness in those twelve days. Coming to the end of me. And I remember the feeling of a solid, divine strength bearing the weight underneath. Coming to the beginning of the Eternal. Remembering that long last night, the quiet, the dark. Utter fatigue. The thin blankets on the bed. Cody sleeping between the wall and I. Drifting in and out of black sleep as the nurses floated in and out during the night watches. The green recliner within my arm's reach and my sweet Mom resting there, the dulled light of the lamp silhouetting her mother's face; Isaac laying on his tummy, his head over her heart. And the morning came, soft, pink, quiet. And Isaac was gone. And a peace that completely surpassed my little understanding permeated the room. I felt it as real as the dawn. The Good Shepherd carried our little lamb home, but He hadn't left us alone. And then the tears came later. They still come, softly, in the stillness of night. But the peace and assurance of a Good Shepherd remains, cloaking us in His tender mercies. God is good.

~~~

I love this devotional from Charles Spurgeon, taken from "Morning and Evening", the morning of July 19th. (Emphasis mine.)

“The Lord our God hath shewed us his glory." Deuteronomy 5:24

God’s great design in all his works is the manifestation of his own glory. Any aim less than this were unworthy of himself. But how shall the glory of God be manifested to such fallen creatures as we are? Man’s eye is not single, he has ever a side glance towards his own honour, has too high an estimate of his own powers, and so is not qualified to behold the glory of the Lord. It is clear, then, that self must stand out of the way, that there may be room for God to be exalted; and this is the reason why he bringeth his people ofttimes into straits and difficulties, that, being made conscious of their own folly and weakness, they may be fitted to behold the majesty of God when he comes forth to work their deliverance.

He whose life is one even and smooth path, will see but little of the glory of the Lord, for he has few occasions of self-emptying, and hence, but little fitness for being filled with the revelation of God. They who navigate little streams and shallow creeks, know but little of the God of tempests; but they who “do business in great waters,” these see his “wonders in the deep.” Among the huge Atlantic-waves of bereavement, poverty, temptation, and reproach, we learn the power of Jehovah, because we feel the littleness of man.

Thank God, then, if you have been led by a rough road: it is this which has given you your experience of God’s greatness and lovingkindness. Your troubles have enriched you with a wealth of knowledge to be gained by no other means: your trials have been the cleft of the rock in which Jehovah has set you, as he did his servant Moses, that you might behold his glory as it passed by. Praise God that you have not been left to the darkness and ignorance which continued prosperity might have involved, but that in the great fight of affliction, you have been capacitated for the outshinings of his glory in his wonderful dealings with you.

Soli Deo Gloria!